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The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore

Title: The Stupidest Angel

Author: Christopher Moore

Publisher:  William Morrow 2005

Genre: Zombie

Pages: 320

Rating:  5  / 5 stars

Reading Challenges: Zombie; Support Your Local Library; A to Z – M

How I Got It: Library loan

‘Twas the night (okay, more like the week) before Christmas, and all through the tiny community of Pine Cove, California, people are busy buying, wrapping, packing, and generally getting into the holiday spirit.

But not everybody is feeling the joy. Little Joshua Barker is in desperate need of a holiday miracle. No, he’s not on his deathbed; no, his dog hasn’t run away from home. But Josh is sure that he saw Santa take a shovel to the head, and now the seven-year-old has only one prayer: Please, Santa, come back from the dead.

But hold on! There’s an angel waiting in the wings. (Wings, get it?) It’s none other than the Archangel Raziel come to Earth seeking a small child with a wish that needs granting. Unfortunately, our angel’s not sporting the brightest halo in the bunch, and before you can say “Kris Kringle,” he’s botched his sacred mission and sent the residents of Pine Cove headlong into Christmas chaos, culminating in the most hilarious and horrifying holiday party the town has ever seen.

Okay, this is my kind of Christmas novel (albeit one read in February).  We have murder, mayhem, homicidal Santas, angels on miracle missions, sword-wielding schizophrenics, stoners, rats, dogs, sex, and bats.  I think I covered it all.  And it’s all topped off with Moore snarky writing.  I love it!  His vampire trilogy started to wear on me after while.  This one definitely does not.  I loved it from start to finish.  The characters are incredibly fun.  I especially liked the Tucker Case and his bat, Roberto.  The story is fast-paced and yet filled with character development.  The horror is there wrapped up in a glowing angel and talking zombies.  And the writing is superb.  Supposedly the characters appear in other books.  Now I must go to the library and pick those up as wel..

Pine Cove
  1. Practical Demonkeeping
  2. The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove
  3. The Stupidest Angel
  
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Posted by on February 11, 2012 in Book Reviews

 

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A to Z Movies: Zoolander

Title: Zoolander

Year Released/Rating: 2001 R

Starring: Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Owen Wilson

Directed By: Ben Stiller

Written By: Drake Sather, Ben Stiller, John Hamburg

Star Rating:  5 /5 stars

Trivia: Ben Stiller wrote David Bowie’s scene as judge of the walk-off into the script without knowing for sure whether he would agree to it.

This movie is so silly and idiotic it is most amazing!  I love the little one liners here and there.  The looks of the actors get me every time.  The best part is all the cameos here and there.  Jon Voight–genius and gruff.  Vince Vaughn–love the looks.  Billy Zane–so ridiculous he’s amazing.  David Bowie–makes any movie better.  I am especially fond of Katinka.  But my absolute favorite is David Duchovny.  He is the best little side character ever.  This role is one of the best things he ever did.

Best Bits: 

Mugatu: They’re break-dance fighting.
~~
Billy Zane: It’s a walk-off!
~~
Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you that a moment ago.
~~
Derek Zoolander: I’m not an ambi-turner.
~~
Derek Zoolander: Or are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?
Matilda: A what?
Derek Zoolander: A eugoogoolizer… one who speaks at funerals.
[Matilda looks at Derek confused]
Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?
~~
[a judge is needed for the “walk-off”]
David Bowie: If nobody has any objections, I believe I might be of service.
~~
[after he pokes a girl with a pin]
Mugatu: Oh, I’m sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!
~~
Mugatu: It’s that damn Hansel! He’s so hot right now!
~~
Mugatu: Obey my dog!
~~
Derek Zoolander: How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?

 

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2011 in Movies

 

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A to Z Movies: Waiting

Title: Waiting

Year Released/Rating: 2005 R

Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Justin Long, Anna Faris,

Directed By: Rob McKittrick

Written By: Rob McKittrick

Star Rating: 5 /5 stars

Trivia: The “foreign” guests at the bar speak German with Austrian accent and the guy says, “Did you see the blonde girl? That’s unbelievable, her breasts are incredible!”

We’ve continued our Justin Long and Ryan Reynolds movie-a-thon.  Somehow we are totally fixated on the dry wit and sarcasm.  I absolutely love it.  Too beautiful!  And all the side characters are absolutely amazing. My favorite: Chi McBride as Bishop.  The resident philosophic dishwasher is genius.  I can’t get enough of this movie.  (Just don’t watch the sequel… not very funny.)  We’re thinking of wrapping up the letters with Zoolander.  Another crazy quirky comedy to add to the collection.

Best Bits: 

Floyd: [to Mitch] Welcome to Thunderdome, Bitch.
~~
Monty: That’s Naomi. And she’s been working here WAY too long. But she’s actually a pretty sweet girl… when she’s drunk.
~~
Floyd: We almost had to move it up to the 10 second rule!
~~
Bishop: You need to invent your own penis-showin’ game.
~~
Mitch: All Right. Fuck this, I Quit
Mitch: [looks around the room, sees Floyd] You. You are the biggest piece of shit at this entire restaurant. I hope you burn in hell.
Floyd: Me? What the fuck did I ever do to you? I mean seriously.
~~
Calvin: You really are an asshole
Monty: Shenaniganz
~~
Dean: Hey Floyd, no bacon on that salad.
Floyd: [Looks at Dean and speaks with a southern twang] Yes massa, ain’t gon’ be no bacon on the salad
[Cook starts whipping Floyd with a towel while Floyd starts singing devotional-style]
Floyd: Oh lord, no bacon… No bacon the salad…

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2011 in Movies

 

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A to Z Movies: Bridget Jones’s Diary

Title: Bridget Jones’s Diary

Year Released/Rating: 2001 R

Starring: Renee Zellweger, Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, Jim Broadbent

Directed By: Sharon Maguire

Written By: Helen Fielding, Andrew Davies, and Richard Curis

Star Rating:  4 /5 stars

Trivia:  Salman Rushdie’s cameo came about by total fluke. Old friend (the movie’s author)Helen Fielding called him up and asked, “How would you like to make a fool of yourself?”

J had a migraine and I spent all day scrapping across town.  So, he spent some quiet, dark time in bed and I picked a movie all by myself.  After starting to read and failing to read so many BJD copies, I thought I would rewatch the movie.  All of my original ideas stood the test of time and rewatching.  Hugh Grant plays the most magnificent twat.  Renee Zellweger is still one of my least favorite actresses.  But that’s okay because I adore everything that Colin Firth does.  Yes, the movie is a redone Pride and Prejudice, but that story is so great that I can forgive it.  I can even forgive Bridget’s self-depreciating behaviors.  We all go through that phase at some point.  Thank god Mark Darcy is a rational steadfast man.  Plus, I get a kick out of the Tarts and Vicars party every time.

Best Bits: 

Bridget: This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.

Bridget: Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I’d rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein’s arse.

Mark Darcy: I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet, I was unforgivably rude, and wearing a reindeer jumper.

Bridget: It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.

Mark Darcy: Natasha, this is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. Bridget works in a publishing house and she used to play around naked in my paddling pool.

Mark Darcy: All right Cleaver, outside.
Daniel Cleaver: [half laughing] I’m sorry? Outside? Should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword?

 
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Posted by on September 3, 2011 in Movies

 

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A to Z Movies: Accepted


Title:
Accepted

Year Released/Rating: 2006 PG-13

Starring: Justin Long, Jonah Hill, Blake Lively, Lewis Black,

Directed By: Steve Pink

Written By: Adam Cooper, Bill Collage, Mark Perez

Star Rating:  4 /5 stars

Trivia: Lewis Black’s character says the word “fuck” twice, but one was literally bleeped out in order to make the movie PG-13.

We decided to continue our hilarious comedy streak with Accepted.  Well actually, J wanted either Alien or Accepted to which I insisted on Accepted.  Really wasn’t in the mood for the awesome, but slow moving Alien.  I just love the witty back and forth dialogue.  That’s what really gets me in comedies.  I want a bit of Grouch Marx in there.  I want lines you have to rewind to listen to again because they are just way too hilarious.  And this movie definitely delivers it.  The only reason I knocked off a star: it gets a little too feel-good towards the end.  I mean, come on, the Mr. Smith Goes to Washington speech at the end makes me seriously roll my eyes.  But other than that, I adore this move.  And the soundtrack is freaking awesome.  Ramones the Pixies!

Best Bits:

Sherman Schrader: Yeah, cool guys. Let’s start this fake college, and then we’ll go start a meth lab somewhere. Come on, it’s a gateway crime. That’s how these things start.
Bartleby Gaines: Listen guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn’t go to college. Albert Einstein. You know? Pocahontas never went to college. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim; they had a great run. Both Lewis and Clark. Suzanne Somers. Bono.
Sherman Schrader: Who was that?
Bartleby Gaines: Oh, that’s our mascot
Sherman Schrader: A sandwich? You’re the SHIT Sandwiches?
Bartleby Gaines: Hey Shrad, do you know any places up near Harmon we can rent?
Sherman Schrader: Oh, yeah I do, actually. I carry around a list with me at all times of abandoned buildings for fake colleges.
Sherman Schrader: I don’t want to be here alone when the walls start to bleed!
Sherman Schrader: It was your idea to put “acceptance is just one click away”
Bartleby Gaines: Yeah, you put it as “one click away”! You don’t make it… clickable!

Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, what about you? What do you want to learn?
Sherman Schrader: Well, B, I’m glad you asked actually, ’cause since we’re going to prison, I’m gonna learn how to carve a shank out of my toothbrush.

Abernathy: Hi there! What’s your name? My name’s Abernathy Darwin Dunlap but you can call me A.D.D. on the account of the fact that I have A.D.D., which is attention deficit disorder. You know – everyone used to think it was just an addiction to sugar when I was 6 and my mom used to cry because she thought I would never be like a fully functioning member of society like my neighbor who has Legionnaires’ disease.

Bartleby Gaines: [waving and fake smiling at girls leaving in their yellow buggy] Hey! I hate my life. I’m a huge tool. Have fun being hot.

P.S. The best scene in the movie has to be the end shot of the car blowing up.  The looks on their faces are brilliant!

 
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Posted by on September 2, 2011 in Movies

 

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A to Z Movies: The 40-Year-Old Virgin

Title: The 40-Year-Old Virgin

Year Released/Rating: 2005 R

Starring: Steve Carell, Catherine Keener, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Jane Lynch, Romany Malco, Elizabeth Banks, Leslie Mann, Kat Dennings, and cameo by Jonah Hill

Directed By: Judd Apatow

Written By: Judd Apatow and Steve Carell

Star Rating: 5 /5 stars

Trivia: The “beautiful old Guatemalan love song” sung by Javier to Paula translates to: When I clean my room / I can’t find anything / Where are you going in such a hurry/ To the soccer game.

Extra Trivia: The entire “You Know How I Know You’re Gay” scene was improvised by Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen

For our first A to Z Movies choice, we went with The 40-Year-Old Virgin.  It was a tough decision.  Just in the #s alone, we have 10 movies.  I threw out a few choices, J threw out a few choices, and we were down to 300, 12 Monkeys, or The 40-Year-Old Virgin.  I went with the final decision and chose comedy.  And I’m so glad I did.  I forgot how amazingly funny this movie is.  Besides Steve Carell (who’s definitely funny), we get Seth Rogen’s amazing one-liners and Paul Rudd’s unique sense of comedy.  I forgot all the side characters that really make this movie.  I think I laughed out loud the entire movie.  It’s just too good.  This is Apatow at his best!  A great script, great directing (or nondirecting, since they improvised a ton), and amazingly funny actors.  I’m so glad we chose this as our first movie for the month.  Tonight: on to the As…

Some of my favorite bits:

Jay: [to Andy, in a bar] All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It’s written, it’s a code written in his DNA, says, “Tackle the gazelle.” And believe it or not, in every man there’s a code written that says, “Tackle drunk bitches.”

David: [the same Michael McDonald sampler DVD has been playing on all of the television screens for the last two years] If I have to hear “Yamo Be There” one more time, I’m going to “Yamo” burn this place to the ground.

Haziz: Do you know how I know you’re gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.

Cal: [talking about Trish being a grandma] You should fuck her and then have her send you $12 on your birthday.

David: [to a shirtless Andy, who has an incredibly hairy chest] I love your sweater. Does that come in a V-neck?

Paula: [propositioning Andy to be her ‘friend with benefits’] I’m very discreet… but I will haunt your dreams.

David: Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern.

Andy Stitzer: Is this shirt too yellow?
Cal: No.
[pause]
Cal: Tell me, what’s Curious George like in real life?

 
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Posted by on September 2, 2011 in Movies

 

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